JEM UNLIMITED!!!

Showtime Synergy
Video's Workshop
Lin-Z's Video Madness
Breaktime, Jem!
Be A Superstar!
Commercial Crisis
Jem's Replacement!
The Lack of Competition!!!
Prelude To A Jem-Girl!
Box-Office Beauties... Almost!
Jem: Best, Worst, Or Neither???
Rock N' Romance
More Features

Jem Wallpaper
Jem Screensavers
Jem Start-Up Logos
Jem Desktop Icons
Jem Winamp Skins
More Jem Downloads

Jem Books (US)
Jem Books (UK)
Other Jem Books
More Jem Books

Jem and the Holograms
The Misfits
The Stingers
Duets and Ballads
Instrumentals
More Jem Music

Character Bios
Episode Guide
Song Lyrics
Discography
Merchandise
Video Releases
More On The Jem Series

- The Competition -

logo.jpg (12043 bytes)

Barbie and the Rockers
(Mattel's Jem Wanna-be Doll Line)


- The Would-Be Show -

Barbie and the Rockers: Volume 1 - Out of This World

Barbie's failed series pilot - In this 25-minute 'adventure' (and I use the word laughingly), Barbie and her friends: Dana, Dee Dee, Diva, Derek & Ken (seriously, these are their names) have just become the greatest, most famous entertainers of all-time (stop laughing)! Barbie becomes the world's peace ambassador and decides to sing for peace from a space station and she does just that!

Exciting Adventure - STRIKE ONE!
Good or Decent Script - STRIKE TWO!
Cool Characters - STRIKE THREE!

Barbie is Out Of This World! - ABSOLUTE STRIKE OUT!

Rating

Animation:

7

Sound:

4

Story:

1

Characters:

1

Overall Average:

3.5

In this cartoon, Barbie has no enemies (So no Barbie version of the Misfits), it has 8 songs instead of Jem's standard 3 per episode, the voice actors are horrible, and there's absolutely no kind of action... She just goes into space and sings. It's Mattel's typical second-rate pathetic attempt to push their lousy character down your throat!

On a special note, this movie proves beyond a shadow of doubt that Barbie's an air-head.

Jem: Truly Outrageous

Jem's 1st movie - It got her a 65-episode syndication in the 80's and, to date, 6 years of air-time! Let's face it, Jem had entertainment power to spare because, in the eighties, your average cartoon lasted about as long as your average diaper on a newborn baby. Just ask Barbie and her Rockers! But, for a fair comparison, let's only use Jem's first episode. So, let's see if Hasbro lied like Mattel did!

Exciting Adventure - CHECK!
Glamour and Glitter - CHECK!
Fashion and Fame - CHECK!
Jem is Truly Outrageous! - ABSOLUTE CHECK!

But seriously...

Rating

Animation:

5

Sound:

8

Story:

9

Characters:

10

Overall Average:

8

Great original, action packed story with lousy animation (Hey, I'm sorry, but  she obviously got a bigger budget after this promotional video)


- The Dolls -

Barbie and the Rockers Doll

Includes a doll, a set of clothes, a comb, and a cassette tape.


Jem

Includes a doll, a set of clothes, a comb, and a cassette tape... and a second set of clothes, a band poster, a doll stand, a special mail-order form, and an instruction sheet.On top of that, plus she had a hotter box and Jem's earrings flash!!!


- The Rivalry -

Cracked #225

The Jem / Barbie rivalry was so popular at one time that the Cracked Magazine made a parody article of it!

NOTE: This article is available in the Downloads Section


The Barbie and the Rockers Cassette

The Barbie and the Rockers dolls came with a cassette of the rockers music that would have been played in the show (if the in was such a crappy show that it couldn't get past one episode!!!). Doing their best to copy Jem (Gee, I thought Jem was supposed to be a copy of Barbie!!!), the cassette's songs are arranged:

Side A: The Rockers' Theme & Dressin' Up
Side B: Born With A Mike & Stretchin' It

You can download the songs below and I have  listed the Jem songs they are most in competition with. The last four come from the video.

Track Title Length/Size
Comparative Song
Download /
Rating
Barbie and the Rockers' Theme 1:25 Mins. / 219 KB
Jem Theme

Yes / 1

Dressin' Up 2:35 Mins. / 396 KB
Depends On The Mood I'm In
Yes / 1
Born With A Mike 2:10 Mins. / 333 KB
Only The Beginning
Yes / 1
Stretchin' It 2:38 Mins. / 403 KB
Time Is Runnin' Out
Yes / 1
Best Friends 1:35 Mins. / 233 KB
You're Always There In My Heart
Yes / 1
Do You Believe In Magic 1:33 Mins. / 229 KB
???????
Yes / 3
Just To Dance With You 1:26 Mins. / 213 KB
???????
Yes / 1
Reachin' For The Stars 1:12 Mins. / 179 KB
???????
Yes / 4

- Ratings -

  1. Terrible
  2. Not Completely Awful
  3. Adequate
  4. Good
  5. TRULY OUTRAGEOUS!!!

- Reachin' For The Stars -

Star

Now, despite the lack of quality, content, or anything else of importance, there is one or two minutes of the Barbie video that didn't put me into a self-induced coma. The video for Reachin' For The Stars was actually okay. Since it was the only decent thing in this movie and only decent song that was sung
by the Rockers, you can download the MP2 and the video below. Maybe it's worth it... (or maybe 20 minutes of Barbie non-sense has driven me crazy!!!)

- Important Notice -

I HATE BARBIE!!! Always have, Always will. As such, if anyone finds my ratings a little harsh, I will accept a better review... But I mean, c'mon... I did give one song a '3'! It didn't really deserve it but nothing Mattel's ever done with Barbie has been good, interesting, original, or anything else involving quality. If you wish to make a Barbie and the Rockers site (though, I don't know why you would), feel free to take everything here!

On to PAGE 2!

 

JEM UNLIMITED!!!

DISCLAIMER : All of the music, images, & multimedia offered on this site are for personal sampling enjoyment only and is in NO WAY intended to infringe the copyright of the respectful companies or authorities involved. Jem, and all Jem character names and slogans are registered trademarks of Hasbro/Sony Wonder.